I have been here in Chile for about 4 months (cuatro meses), and I will acknowledge that I have readily increased my abilities to read, to write, to listen and to speak in Spanish in tangible and noticeable ways. Yet, the other day (el otro día), I came to the sudden realization that I have not really progressed at all. I hit some type of wall (un pared) and suddenly felt that I had forgotten everything I had learned, or maybe, upon reflection, I am just flailing away at this particular moment (en este momento). Whatever the reason, I was resolved within myself to understand the circumstances surrounding my apparent de-evolution.
It stared a few weeks ago when our friends from the US came to visit us and we spent the better part of 2 weeks (dos semanas) together, traveling around the country and living in close proximity. Don’t get me wrong, we had a wonderful time (un buen tiempo), probably the best time ever with another couple traveling, but what also happened as well is that we spoke English nonstop (sin parar) and all the time, the true first time I have been immersed in English during this full time Spanish (Castellano) existence in Chile. While it was great to talk, to converse and to banter in English with great friends, at the end of it all, I could tell that my abilities to communicate and understand in Spanish had decreased (he disminuido), or maybe in some way, they were buried under my re-engineered thinking in English.
I really recognized this after our friends (nuestros amigos) returned to the US, and Sarah and I had a day here in Santiago with our Chilean friends, conversing over an extended lunch time visit for many hours (por muchas horas), all the time in Spanish. I found myself struggling for words and the ability to complete my sentences (mis oraciones), as well as my thoughts, a skill I thought I had improved upon greatly. The more I struggled, the more I experience a loss in self-confidence which further helped to impede my progress (mi progreso). The transition from Spanish back to English we easy, but it was the move back from English to Spanish that inherently suffered. In some ways, I was extremely discouraged, and in addition, I was extremely tired, having to give a large effort (un esfuerzo grande)in regular communication once again, and this did make me feel that I was not advancing, but dramatically, regressing.
Yet, suddenly, I came to the realization that this was to a light (una luz) on my diminishing abilities and skills, but a glimpse into the world (el mundo) that was readily to come. In fact, this was more of a victory (un triunfo) that a defeat (una derrota), as now I understand what I need to do in order to improve my skills and to be flexible in mind when I return back home. The ability to function completely in one language (un idioma) and then to switch directly and function in another language is truly the skill I need to master. I have in effect been shown in these past few weeks what my work to come truly will be.
Sometimes what appears to be a set back can really turn into advancement, and it is not how many times (cuantas veces) you fall down, but how many times you in turn get up and try again. This has become my motivation for the future (por el futuro), about which I am more optimistic as I can clearly see the road to come (puedo ver el camino a venir).
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